The Myth Of Fair
“Why did God let this happen to us, mommy?” This is a question eight year old Jennifer asked while her mommy was putting her to bed. It is a logical question to ask after this season of hurricanes, and it is important for parents to be prepared to give their children the correct answer.
As children grow up, they will face many “why” questions. As parents, it is important to help them sort out the “Whys” that cannot be answered and then help them focus on the better question-- “What?” What the best possible response to the difficulty I am facing?
When I was a child my mom was diagnosed cancer and died a few months later. I spent many nights in bed asking “why?” I remember agonizing over the question, “If there is a God why would He let my mom die?” Not yet knowing God personally, I wasn’t trained to ask the right questions.
Americans believe, and inadvertently teach, that life is supposed to be fair. If you do the things, life will work in your favor … because it is only fair. We actually believe we are entitled to fairness. As a culture we are obsessed with the belief that we can control and insure our happiness. It’s as if we can do things and control things to the point where we can create a little “heaven” right here on earth. But this isn’t heaven and it was never intended to be heaven.
Those living in non-industrialized parts of the world know that no such control is possible and the thought of “Fair” is a myth. Life on planet earth is challenging! There is nothing we can do to control the circumstances of life.
The problem is exacerbated when Christians also believe the Myth of Fair. We need to teach our children the right questions to ask when life isn’t fair. This is an important lesson because tragedy will touch their life.
So what is the right response to Jennifer’s question? The right word to ask is “What” rather then “Why”. Not why did God let this happen, but rather what does God want me to do with this tragedy.
A turning point in life, for many people, is the ability to respond properly to personal tragedy. Many people become bitter, or become self-centered and isolate themselves from the people around them. Others are taught to put their trust in something other than their attempt to control life.
Proverbs gives us a hint to the process of dealing with tragedy. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not to your own understanding (Proverbs 3:5). That means when my heart is broken, I need to “choose” to trust God. When I cannot understand something, I need to trust God.”
This lesson begins one of the most important journeys of adult faith. When life seems out of control, it is opportunity to teach our children that God is still in control.
The second step in the journey of faith is to take the focus off self and put it on the needs of those around me. The day after the hurricane, in his greatest moment of need my friend Rick saw that his business was down as well as his home. What did he ask God for? Ministry! His prayer was, “Lord give me a person I can help today”. What a great lesson for his daughter to learn.
When the religious leaders tried to trap Jesus, they asked Him what the most important thing in life was. He responded with, love the Lord with all you’ve got and then express that by loving your neighbor as much as you love yourself (Matthew 22:37-39).
When we cannot tell our children why something bad has happened we need to help them decide to trust God and then help them focus on the needs of those around them. We all have a need to take some action. Help the children take action in the direction of helping others in need.
This has been a strange season of disruption for most south Florida families. Why would God allow these things to happen? Perhaps one reason is to help us teach our children to trust him and then serve others. Then they are better trained to deal with the inevitable tragedies of life. What better season to take the focus off self than Christmas?